I actually started in the kink & boudoir photography world as a model.
I’ve always loved using my body as a canvas. There’s something really fun about showing a side of myself through photography – and even video – that I don’t always feel in everyday life. The sexy, glamorous bitch who is somewhere inside me, even when I’m mostly just sitting at home in an oversized hoodie, eating snacks and editing with terrible posture behind my desk.
Getting photographed reminds me that she’s there. That vixen.
But there’s a funny contradiction in that.
When it comes to being really seen (standing in front of a group of people, giving a presentation, performing, or doing anything like that) I get incredibly insecure. My first instinct is basically to evaporate or die.
I recently got reminded of this when I took my first class in a beginner burlesque course.
I signed up because I wanted to feel sexier, get more comfortable with my body, and meet some fun people with similar interests. Sounds great, right?
Well.
Five minutes into actually having to move my body in front of other people, my brain apparently decided this was a life-threatening situation.
I became painfully aware of how uncoordinated I felt. I got frustrated with myself. I felt awkward, exposed and very much like I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole.
And just to be very clear: the teacher did absolutely nothing wrong. She is an absolute star and an icon in the Dutch burlesque scene. This wasn’t about the class or the way she taught it.
I was simply confronted with a part of myself I find really difficult to deal with. And I couldn’t push through it.
So I quit the burlesque course.
Sometimes it’s genuinely difficult to know whether you should push yourself outside your comfort zone, or whether you should simply accept that something isn’t for you.
I really like the idea of being the kind of person who enjoys being on stage. Performing, being expressive, feeling sexy and completely owning a room.
But the reality is that I’m just… not that kind of person. At least not right now.
The combination of anxiety, fear of failure and my neurodivergence can get in the way too much. And I think it’s okay to admit that.
Because one of the things I love about posing for a photoshoot is that you don’t have to be good at it before you start. Nobody has to watch you fail. Well… nobody except me as your photographer, but I’ll be very encouraging and uplifting.
A photoshoot is one-on-one. You’re allowed to be awkward. You’re allowed to have absolutely no idea what you’re doing. You’re allowed to wobble, make weird faces, forget what your arms are supposed to be doing, or fall over because you’ve been balancing on one leg in those high heels for slightly too long.
And those ugly photos, they disappear. Straight into my digital trash can.
Nobody sees the weird test shots, the pose that looked great in my head but absolutely ridiculous in reality. You don’t have to perform perfectly from the first second to the last.
What you get to see are the photos where it did work.
The moments where the light hit just right. The pose that suddenly made sense. You relaxed and looked hot. You looked like yourself, but maybe like a version of yourself you hadn’t met yet.
And I think that’s why I understand some of the worries my clients bring to me so well. Because maybe you’re thinking: I’m not confident enough for this. Maybe you’re worried you’ll look terrible in the photos.
So let’s talk about those things:
“I’m not confident enough to be in front of the camera.”
I completely understand! Did you know that most of my clients feel this way at first too? It’s my job to guide you and help you feel more confident during the shoot. Together, we’ll create something beautiful.
A lot of the confident energy you see in my photos actually develops during the shoot itself. It’s all about creating a relaxed atmosphere and making sure you have a fun experience.
“I’m scared I won’t look good in the photos.”
It’s my passion to capture your unique beauty. I work with professional lighting, angles and posing to show you at your best. Girl, you are gorgeous. I’ll do my best to highlight the things you love about yourself and help you feel amazing in front of the camera.
I genuinely believe everyone can look incredible in photos. Good lighting, makeup, posing, styling and a little bit of photography & editing magic can turn anyone into a glamour goddess.
Before we start, we’ll talk about what you like about yourself and anything you might feel insecure about. That way, we can work together to create photos that make you feel your absolute best.
“I don’t know how to pose.”
Don’t worry; that’s what I’m here for! A lot of my clients have little to no experience with posing. I’ll guide you through the entire shoot and make it a fun, relaxed experience.
We can start with simple, natural poses and build from there. Usually, you’ll feel more comfortable pretty quickly, and once you relax, the best poses often come naturally.
During a photoshoot, unlike when you’re performing or presenting, there’s much more room to experiment.
You can try something, take the photo, look at it, change the pose, change the lighting, try again. You can be awkward and mess up. There’s no pressure to get everything right in one take.
And most importantly, there’s no audience, it’s just you and me.
But I also don’t want to pretend that this means everyone automatically feels comfortable during a photoshoot.
Some people are nervous as hell when they arrive. You might still feel self-conscious and you might still have moments where you look at me like, “What the fuck am I supposed to do with my hands right now?”
And that’s okay too.
I never want to promise that a Swan’s Seduction photoshoot is going to magically fix your confidence, make you love your body, or solve all of your insecurities. I’m a photographer, not a magician, and definitely not a therapist.
Maybe you’ll surprise yourself and discover that you’re much more comfortable than you expected. Or perhaps you’ll try it and realise that photoshoots just aren’t your thing.
And if it’s not for you, it’s not for you. That’s okay. But there’s really only one way to find out.
Swan's Seduction 